Signs that you've watched too much Jonny Quest
Signs That You Have Watched/Read Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Too Much JQ Stuff
By Anne Moloney
- You've written words to the JQ theme song.
- In your eyes, this list is stupid: there's no such thing as "Too Much JQ"
- You see a truck with a picture of an ice-cream cone on the side. While everyone else checks for pocket change, you pull out your Jonny Quest Water Bazooka (TM) and scream, "Won't get me this time, Surd!"
- You actually *own* a Jonny Quest Water Bazooka TM (from Galoob, batteries not included, contains small parts may not be suitable for children under three.)
- Jonny's death does not surprise you, but thrills you none the less.
- You spontaneously mutter quotes that you find hilarious but worry your friends and family, who are trying to convince you to try on "the pretty white jacket with long sleeves". ((Example: "'See Jess? I *do* brake for lizards!' 'Good thing too, these are rare fringe-toed lizards. They're endangered!' 'Not any more they're not. Keys, please.'"))
- Whenever you see an ad for _Men In Black_, you yell, "Stupid idiots! It wasn't the beacon! It was a fuel tester! Your plans have been foiled! Ha ha ha!"
- You are convinced that that dark car across the street are some of Race's "old pals from his Agency days". You know too much.
- You try to convince your friends to download your brain, "just this once!"
- When people ask you where someone is, you exclaim, "I'll use the tracker on my watch!"
- When people ask you to turn the light on, you exclaim, "I'll use the light on my watch!"
- When people ask you for the time, you look at them like they're crazy.
- You laugh at jokes that really aren't funny, such as "Okay. *Roger*."
- You joined this mailing list. It's too late to turn back now!
- You're not sure whether to laugh or to cry when you see "Silent Storm Jessie" and "Safari Stryke Hadji", and you're about ready to hold Galoob executives hostage until they make sane figures. Like.....
GHOST QUEST JESSIE! Now *you* can make a certain pie-wielding Questor nauseous, merely by trying to kill and kiss Jonny within five minutes!
SIM-SIM-SALABIM HADJI! Now, you too can woo demons and the children of archvillains! Act now, and also get SNAKE CHARMER HADJI! Wait, that wasn't a snake he's charming, that's his latest girlfriend. Sorry, Hadji!
CAR CRASHING JONNY! The most realistic action figure to hit the shelves! Press the button to hear Jonny say, "I'm sorry officer, I didn't see that stop sign." Or, "Dad, it's only a little hole in the roof, no biggie." Or, "Race, put down the knife and I'll tell you why your car lost it's engine..."
SWISS ARMY RACE! His watch is really a mini-computer, his shoe heel is really a bomb, his pen is a camera, his belt buckle is a lock pick, and yes, his underwear even comes out as a parachute!
MAGICIAN DR. QUEST! Watch him pull money out of thin air!
- You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge. Waitasec, that has nothing to do with JQ. Nevermind!
- You are no longer called by your birth name. You are now the Questor Formerly Known As Questoid.
- Around you, Mook is a household name.
- One of your favorite phrases is "Slammin'!"
- Another is "This is too strange for school!" And occasionally, when you feel spontaneous, "This is too tall for TV!"
- You plot global domination with people who plan to use atomic pies. ::cough::
- You call non-Quest fans "heathens".
- You cry at any mention of Doug Wildey. ::respectful silence::