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Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 802
(4/28/04 12:28 am)
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Re:The Kings Diary.
Thanks to everyone for not posting replies here, and enabling me to get all the story at the top of the thread.

The thread is now open to replies, so if anyone wants to make comments or ask questions, this is the place.

I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it for you.

Dave.


Edited by: Dave P at: 4/28/04 12:37 am
Shats
Registered User
Posts: 803
(4/28/04 1:07 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
I still think you should've used this as an opportunity to practice standard form. The literary world may not change their view and expectations of form for you, but you can easily change your own.

Seriously, I liked it. I even read maybe as much as 60% and I read a LOT. A book a day. ( I have a uhmm relaxed lifestyle )

Despite the lack of sophistication in your anecdotal passages, they were still pleasant to read and made the courners of my mouth curl from time to time. I am unsure if this was from empathy with you as an author or from the substance however. Uhm, god, I sound a bit scathing. Not my intention bud.
I did feel a pleasant freshness in your enthusiasm that was transfered quite successfully. I admire you for that Dave. This is why I was hoping to encourage you to adopt standard form, so you'd less work to do on yourself, so to speak after you'd finished. Perhaps it was 'wrong' of me to suggest this in the middle of your enthusiasm.

Anyhow, I'm of two minds of your choices in ending it.
Does it reveal a lack of patience or a lack of resolve and commitment. I hope it didn't reveal a lack of sensitivity. While we all were very pleased (in our nosey way) to see your screenies', tactical and strategic, it was your characters we were fond of.

Apart from my pathetic attempt at constructive criticism, I give you a whole arena worth of thumbs-ups.

*bows*

*doesn't check spelling to reveal own flaws*

Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 803
(4/28/04 1:41 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
@Shats.
I believe in constructive critism, and coming from a guy who reads a book a day, I think its worth taking on board. I do plan to adopt standard form in any future writing I do, and have recently read quite a few articles on writing.

The ending? well I would have liked to have made the last chapter more sustantial, but the game wasn't giving me enough material to work with. As with most campaigns of MTW, it had climaxed long before the end. Had I tried to spin the story out, I think it would have died a slow and painful death.

All your comments I can find some validity with, but I would be gratefull if you could explain "Despite the lack of sophistication in your anecdotal passages" was it the form, the substance or the wording?
I'm not picking, I would genuinly like to know, as it may help me in future.

Dave.
;)

Edited by: Dave P at: 4/28/04 1:42 am
mablung of the heavy hand
Registered User
Posts: 513
(4/30/04 5:22 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
Hmm, just wondering, who has read the whole series? Every single year? I have.:D

Edited by: mablung of the heavy hand at: 7/31/04 10:42 pm
Cazzis
Registered User
Posts: 16
(4/30/04 5:50 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
I have read the whole thing, and I come close to a book a day (I average 1500 pages per week), but then I am a student and that is what students do. Besides, I read really fast.

Anyway, I think the dialogue needs a bit of work, but then that has always been the weakness in my writing also. The humor is perfect because it actually fits the era so well.

I thought there were a few plot developments you could have used, but I don't plan on saying what they are in case I ever have the time to write up one of my campaigns (which will probably never happen due to the lack of quality and quantity free time).

Anyway, I enjoyed your efforts enormously. Had the slight feel of a few of the chapters from [i]Romance of the Three Kingdoms[/i], though with less of a view toward the enemy.

A hearty congratulations on a job well done.

jermainevl
Registered User
Posts: 13
(4/30/04 11:28 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
*Sigh* It had to end sometime. I'm going to miss your stories Dave, they were fun, exciting and inspiring. :( Good luck with your book. (You are still going for it aren't you?)

suhawk
Registered User
Posts: 57
(4/30/04 5:55 pm)
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the kings diaries
sob

so it's all over then? when is the sequel due out.

I've enjoyed the diaries immensely and got quite addicted to them over the last few months. about the only critisism I would have would be the anti-climactic march to victory chapter at the end but like you said the game was won long before the end.

My two favourite moments were the first use of the managol ("that white flag yonder should make a fine target") or the revolt of furniture line when Stephen was king. :rollin

Thanks for all the hard word dave. Much appreciated.

Shats
Registered User
Posts: 804
(4/30/04 6:48 pm)
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Re: the kings diaries
Uhmm...

Here I go, paraphrasing horribly I suppose; There are no new stories. - Shakespear.

I've seen variants of what I'd read of your(pieces)'s before but that's not a fault. In fact it made it easily digestible and the characters' of the players easier to identify (with?). :evil

Some of the books I've read and enjoyed the most were not particularly sophisticated either but did a better job of expressing the essence of a character (and the human condition) than some other supposedly great works. I wont go on to name authors as that's just asking for trouble.  >D
I'm not trying to cork your juices Dave, I'm saying you have an aptitude for expression. Work on sophistication as much as you like, but don't let it get in the way of a good story.

G'luck bud.

p.s. Sorry I was slow, this website's been givin' me some jip.

Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 805
(4/30/04 8:31 pm)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
@mablung.
I read it all so that makes two of us.:lol

@Cazzis.
I agree the plots and dialogues could have been better, and my next attempt at writing will be whole lot better.
The humourous stuff is great fun write, the medieval era is full of funny material.
Glad you enjoyed reading it.

@Jermainevl.
I am planning to do a book, I'm currently researching stuff, and forming a plot. At present its looking like a time period of around the late 1300s, reason being I want an era when there was plague in England.

@Suwawk.
I think I've already covered your points about sequels, and the march to victory.
I'm glad I managed to make you laugh. My friends would tell you I'm considered something of a comedian, and I get a buzz out of making people laugh.
Thanks for the thanks, it also much apprciated.

@Shats.
Your right about there being no new stories, everthing has been covered already. Thats not to say that there are no stories to be written though. Different combinations of old plots, set in new settings with different characters, with a little sprinkling of originality, is probably the best any writer can hope to come up with these days.

I wouldn't dream of trying to become too sophisticated, its just not my style, anything I write from here on, will be similar to what I've done here, but more polished.

Sir Cumfrence
Registered User
Posts: 2
(4/30/04 11:46 pm)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
Dave, Good stuff. I still have to finish the whole story, and I don't want it to end. I'm about 70% done and you've gotten me into some serious trouble in my Word Processing class because instead of typing, I've been minimizing my work and reading yours haha. The teacher threatened to boot me out. It had its funny parts and I can't wait for a follow up.

Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 807
(5/1/04 12:44 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
@Sir Cumfrence.
Hehe, what a great name, wish I'd thought of that one, you might start a trend. I expect we will soon be saying hello to Sir Cumnavigate the admiral, Sir Cumspect the cautious, Sir Cumvent the evasive, and Sir Cumsize the di.., er unfortunate one.:rollin

Sorry about getting you in trouble.;)

Edited by: Dave P at: 5/1/04 12:45 am
Stonewall382
Registered User
Posts: 244
(5/1/04 7:02 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
Hohum, Dave it's over.:rolleyes I for one read the whole thing, nearly worshipping it every day, and I like the way you ended it. You're right--the story HAD ended, and it was one of those stories where the resolution happens just after the climax. It fit here well, as it seemed more like a story had ended, instead of feeling like a chronological record of events in a fixed time period was over (did I make the latter seem boring enough?:D ).
So you are trying to write a new story, huh? Although I fear I already know the answer, I'll ask anyway: are you gonna make this exact diary into a book? I really think you should, because there are few books that actually take such a light look at the Medieval Era. And humans had to have been light back then, or they wouldn't have ever survived; so in a way, your story may just be one of the most accurate (societally, at least) (and entertaining) stories about the Medieval Era out there.

Once more, for old times' sake, keep it up! (with the publishing)

Edited by: Stonewall382 at: 5/1/04 4:18 pm
Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 808
(5/1/04 10:55 am)
Reply
Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
@stonewall.
Ah good, someone agrees it was the best way to finish it.

I'm not going to take this exact diary, and try and make it into a book, because I think I have a much better story than this one in mind. However, I'm sure you will recognize some character traits from here.
I will probably re-use some of the humourous stuff, and add more. there is a lot of black humour to be had from the middle ages, and I intend to fill my new story with plenty of it.
I dont intend to just play it for laughs though, there will be sadness also, and our good friend Death will never be too far away.
:evil

jermainevl
Registered User
Posts: 14
(5/1/04 1:54 pm)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
I agree with stonewall about the end. Actually I felt Chapter 9 was the 'real' end and Chapter 10 was a kind of epilogue..well...epi-epilogue(I liked the epilogue too by the way.) It would be nice to have the sort of ending in your book like that of Chapter 10, where it is explained what happened with the main characters (and England) in the following years. Good luck! ;)

Cazzis
Registered User
Posts: 19
(5/2/04 4:42 am)
Reply
Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
So, plan on writing up your next campaign?

Canadian Warrior
Posts: 203
(5/2/04 7:49 pm)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
Your diary.

That story is a good story and you can add me as one of the few that have read the entire thing. I have been with you sence you forst started it. That is a long time. I think that you should publish it someday. Take the story and rewrite it. Put it into standard form and then change it a bit. Writing shouldn't be called writing. It shouldbe called re-writing. You write you first draft. Then you change it and change it and change it till you like it. Then you change it and change it till your editor, or in my case, Producer likes it. I think you should take you diary and re-write it even just for the experience. Do it when ever you get blocked from writing. Most writers have 2 or 3 projects on the go. One in development( Not yet done the first draft), another in re-writes, and the third being shown to the editor.

This is just my rant. I got to now, I have to write another draft of my screen play.

PrussiansInTheWoods
Posts: 78
(6/12/04 4:05 pm)
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tac it to the board
ive been reading one kings reign a day 4 a couple of days an have almost finished but its annoying having to locate it so im asking an admin to tac it to th front pleez, it is a five feather and hot topic and a good achievement dave p. (plus this brings it to the front)

" Sir the prussians the prussians are in the woods sire "
Waterloo

Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 890
(6/12/04 10:10 pm)
Reply
Re: tac it to the board
Thanks Prussian, I dont think there is any chance of it getting stickied, and it would be unfair on the other guys who have written stories. just keep bumping it by editing one letter in your last post until you've finished.
I bumped it a couple of weeks ago when it was ready to fall of page 20, as I wasn't ready to see all my hard work die just yet.

Dave.
;)

PrussiansInTheWoods
Posts: 81
(6/13/04 10:20 am)
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Ceasar's Diary
I can't wait for your sequel i'm expecting 'ceasar's diary' or maybe a docu-drama titled 'it's tough at the top'

"If i have one regret it's not burning Berlin when i had the chance" Waterloo

Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 891
(6/13/04 11:12 am)
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Re: Ceasar's Diary
After spending a while scrubbing up on my grammar, and doing some research I am now two chapters into a book. I estimate that it is going to take me at least a year to write it, so I doubt that I will be writing any more stories on the forum for some time.
The story I am writing is set in medieval England around 1400, and will have some similarities with the king’s diary.

"Ceasar's Diary" will no doubt be written by some other budding author, I just hope whoever gets in first sees it through to the end, as its a great period with loads of good material.

Dave
;)

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