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Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 802
(4/28/04 12:28 am)
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Re:The Kings Diary.
Thanks to everyone for not posting replies here, and enabling me to get all the story at the top of the thread.
The thread is now open to replies, so if anyone wants to make comments or ask questions, this is the place.
I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it for you.
Dave.
Edited by: Dave P at: 4/28/04 12:37 am
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Shats
Registered User
Posts: 803
(4/28/04 1:07 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary. I
still think you should've used this as an opportunity to practice
standard form. The literary world may not change their view and
expectations of form for you, but you can easily change your own.
Seriously, I liked it. I even read maybe as much as 60% and I read a LOT. A book a day. ( I have a uhmm relaxed lifestyle )
Despite the lack of sophistication in your anecdotal passages, they
were still pleasant to read and made the courners of my mouth curl from
time to time. I am unsure if this was from empathy with you as an
author or from the substance however. Uhm, god, I sound a bit scathing.
Not my intention bud.
I did feel a pleasant freshness in your enthusiasm that was transfered
quite successfully. I admire you for that Dave. This is why I was
hoping to encourage you to adopt standard form, so you'd less work to
do on yourself, so to speak after you'd finished. Perhaps it was
'wrong' of me to suggest this in the middle of your enthusiasm.
Anyhow, I'm of two minds of your choices in ending it.
Does it reveal a lack of patience or a lack of resolve and commitment.
I hope it didn't reveal a lack of sensitivity. While we all were very
pleased (in our nosey way) to see your screenies', tactical and
strategic, it was your characters we were fond of.
Apart from my pathetic attempt at constructive criticism, I give you a whole arena worth of thumbs-ups.
*bows*
*doesn't check spelling to reveal own flaws*
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Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 803
(4/28/04 1:41 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
@Shats.
I believe in constructive critism, and coming from a guy who reads a
book a day, I think its worth taking on board. I do plan to adopt
standard form in any future writing I do, and have recently read quite
a few articles on writing.
The ending? well I would have liked to have made the last chapter more
sustantial, but the game wasn't giving me enough material to work with.
As with most campaigns of MTW, it had climaxed long before the end. Had
I tried to spin the story out, I think it would have died a slow and
painful death.
All your comments I can find some validity with, but I would be
gratefull if you could explain "Despite the lack of sophistication in
your anecdotal passages" was it the form, the substance or the wording?
I'm not picking, I would genuinly like to know, as it may help me in future.
Dave.
Edited by: Dave P at: 4/28/04 1:42 am
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mablung of the heavy hand
Registered User
Posts: 513
(4/30/04 5:22 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
Hmm, just wondering, who has read the whole series? Every single year? I have.
Edited by: mablung of the heavy hand at: 7/31/04 10:42 pm
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Cazzis
Registered User
Posts: 16
(4/30/04 5:50 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary. I have
read the whole thing, and I come close to a book a day (I average 1500
pages per week), but then I am a student and that is what students do.
Besides, I read really fast.
Anyway, I think the dialogue needs a bit of work, but then that has
always been the weakness in my writing also. The humor is perfect
because it actually fits the era so well.
I thought there were a few plot developments you could have used, but I
don't plan on saying what they are in case I ever have the time to
write up one of my campaigns (which will probably never happen due to
the lack of quality and quantity free time).
Anyway, I enjoyed your efforts enormously. Had the slight feel of a few
of the chapters from [i]Romance of the Three Kingdoms[/i], though with
less of a view toward the enemy.
A hearty congratulations on a job well done.
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jermainevl
Registered User
Posts: 13
(4/30/04 11:28 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
*Sigh* It had to end sometime. I'm going to miss your stories Dave, they were fun, exciting and inspiring. Good luck with your book. (You are still going for it aren't you?)
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suhawk
Registered User
Posts: 57
(4/30/04 5:55 pm)
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the kings diaries
sob
so it's all over then? when is the sequel due out.
I've enjoyed the diaries immensely and got quite addicted to them over
the last few months. about the only critisism I would have would be the
anti-climactic march to victory chapter at the end but like you said
the game was won long before the end.
My two favourite moments were the first use of the managol ("that white
flag yonder should make a fine target") or the revolt of furniture line
when Stephen was king.
Thanks for all the hard word dave. Much appreciated.
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Shats
Registered User
Posts: 804
(4/30/04 6:48 pm)
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Re: the kings diaries
Uhmm...
Here I go, paraphrasing horribly I suppose; There are no new stories. - Shakespear.
I've seen variants of what I'd read of your(pieces)'s before but that's
not a fault. In fact it made it easily digestible and the characters'
of the players easier to identify (with?).
Some of the books I've read and enjoyed the most were not particularly
sophisticated either but did a better job of expressing the essence of
a character (and the human condition) than some other supposedly great
works. I wont go on to name authors as that's just asking for trouble.
I'm not trying to cork your juices Dave, I'm saying you have an
aptitude for expression. Work on sophistication as much as you like,
but don't let it get in the way of a good story.
G'luck bud.
p.s. Sorry I was slow, this website's been givin' me some jip.
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Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 805
(4/30/04 8:31 pm)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
@mablung.
I read it all so that makes two of us.
@Cazzis.
I agree the plots and dialogues could have been better, and my next attempt at writing will be whole lot better.
The humourous stuff is great fun write, the medieval era is full of funny material.
Glad you enjoyed reading it.
@Jermainevl.
I am planning to do a book, I'm currently researching stuff, and
forming a plot. At present its looking like a time period of around the
late 1300s, reason being I want an era when there was plague in England.
@Suwawk.
I think I've already covered your points about sequels, and the march to victory.
I'm glad I managed to make you laugh. My friends would tell you I'm
considered something of a comedian, and I get a buzz out of making
people laugh.
Thanks for the thanks, it also much apprciated.
@Shats.
Your right about there being no new stories, everthing has been covered
already. Thats not to say that there are no stories to be written
though. Different combinations of old plots, set in new settings with
different characters, with a little sprinkling of originality, is
probably the best any writer can hope to come up with these days.
I wouldn't dream of trying to become too sophisticated, its just not my
style, anything I write from here on, will be similar to what I've done
here, but more polished. |
Sir Cumfrence
Registered User
Posts: 2
(4/30/04 11:46 pm)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary. Dave,
Good stuff. I still have to finish the whole story, and I don't want it
to end. I'm about 70% done and you've gotten me into some serious
trouble in my Word Processing class because instead of typing, I've
been minimizing my work and reading yours haha. The teacher threatened
to boot me out. It had its funny parts and I can't wait for a follow
up. |
Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 807
(5/1/04 12:44 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
@Sir Cumfrence.
Hehe, what a great name, wish I'd thought of that one, you might start
a trend. I expect we will soon be saying hello to Sir Cumnavigate the
admiral, Sir Cumspect the cautious, Sir Cumvent the evasive, and Sir
Cumsize the di.., er unfortunate one.
Sorry about getting you in trouble.
Edited by: Dave P at: 5/1/04 12:45 am
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Stonewall382
Registered User
Posts: 244
(5/1/04 7:02 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
Hohum, Dave it's over.
I for one read the whole thing, nearly worshipping it every day, and I
like the way you ended it. You're right--the story HAD ended, and it
was one of those stories where the resolution happens just after the
climax. It fit here well, as it seemed more like a story had ended,
instead of feeling like a chronological record of events in a fixed
time period was over (did I make the latter seem boring enough? ).
So you are trying to write a new story, huh? Although I fear I already
know the answer, I'll ask anyway: are you gonna make this exact diary
into a book? I really think you should, because there are few books
that actually take such a light look at the Medieval Era. And humans
had to have been light back then, or they wouldn't have ever survived;
so in a way, your story may just be one of the most accurate
(societally, at least) (and entertaining) stories about the Medieval
Era out there.
Once more, for old times' sake, keep it up! (with the publishing)
Edited by: Stonewall382 at: 5/1/04 4:18 pm
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Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 808
(5/1/04 10:55 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
@stonewall.
Ah good, someone agrees it was the best way to finish it.
I'm not going to take this exact diary, and try and make it into a
book, because I think I have a much better story than this one in mind.
However, I'm sure you will recognize some character traits from here.
I will probably re-use some of the humourous stuff, and add more. there
is a lot of black humour to be had from the middle ages, and I intend
to fill my new story with plenty of it.
I dont intend to just play it for laughs though, there will be sadness
also, and our good friend Death will never be too far away.
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jermainevl
Registered User
Posts: 14
(5/1/04 1:54 pm)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary. I
agree with stonewall about the end. Actually I felt Chapter 9 was the
'real' end and Chapter 10 was a kind of epilogue..well...epi-epilogue(I
liked the epilogue too by the way.) It would be nice to have the sort
of ending in your book like that of Chapter 10, where it is explained
what happened with the main characters (and England) in the following
years. Good luck!
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Cazzis
Registered User
Posts: 19
(5/2/04 4:42 am)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
So, plan on writing up your next campaign?
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Canadian Warrior
Posts: 203
(5/2/04 7:49 pm)
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Re: Re:The Kings Diary.
Your diary.
That story is a good story and you can add me as one of the few that
have read the entire thing. I have been with you sence you forst
started it. That is a long time. I think that you should publish it
someday. Take the story and rewrite it. Put it into standard form and
then change it a bit. Writing shouldn't be called writing. It shouldbe
called re-writing. You write you first draft. Then you change it and
change it and change it till you like it. Then you change it and change
it till your editor, or in my case, Producer likes it. I think you
should take you diary and re-write it even just for the experience. Do
it when ever you get blocked from writing. Most writers have 2 or 3
projects on the go. One in development( Not yet done the first draft),
another in re-writes, and the third being shown to the editor.
This is just my rant. I got to now, I have to write another draft of my screen play.
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PrussiansInTheWoods
Posts: 78
(6/12/04 4:05 pm)
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tac it to the board ive been
reading one kings reign a day 4 a couple of days an have almost
finished but its annoying having to locate it so im asking an admin to
tac it to th front pleez, it is a five feather and hot topic and a good
achievement dave p. (plus this brings it to the front)
" Sir the prussians the prussians are in the woods sire "
Waterloo
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Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 890
(6/12/04 10:10 pm)
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Re: tac it to the board Thanks
Prussian, I dont think there is any chance of it getting stickied, and
it would be unfair on the other guys who have written stories. just
keep bumping it by editing one letter in your last post until you've
finished.
I bumped it a couple of weeks ago when it was ready to fall of page 20, as I wasn't ready to see all my hard work die just yet.
Dave.
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PrussiansInTheWoods
Posts: 81
(6/13/04 10:20 am)
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Ceasar's Diary
I can't wait for your sequel i'm expecting 'ceasar's diary' or maybe a docu-drama titled 'it's tough at the top'
"If i have one regret it's not burning Berlin when i had the chance" Waterloo
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Dave P
Registered User
Posts: 891
(6/13/04 11:12 am)
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Re: Ceasar's Diary After
spending a while scrubbing up on my grammar, and doing some research I
am now two chapters into a book. I estimate that it is going to take me
at least a year to write it, so I doubt that I will be writing any more
stories on the forum for some time.
The story I am writing is set in medieval England around 1400, and will have some similarities with the king’s diary.
"Ceasar's Diary" will no doubt be written by some other budding author,
I just hope whoever gets in first sees it through to the end, as its a
great period with loads of good material.
Dave
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